WTF is Watts the Fix?
In 2023, what I can only describe as a pretty normal climbing fall (falling is extremely common when bouldering) left me with a cervical spinal cord injury. The talented neurosurgery team performed a C5/6 fusion, and I was sent on my way.
Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of what would quickly become the most difficult couple of years of my life. Chronic pain alongside a number of neurological issues — neuropathy, fatigue, imbalance, and clonus, to name a few — derailed my plans and ability to enjoy my usual occupations.
The opioid medication prescribed for pain quickly started to serve another purpose. It blunted emotions, providing a warm, comforting blanket that made my lack of progression feel not only acceptable, but nice. While I knew I had a problem, the longer time ticked away, the harder it became to quit. The road back became longer and harder — and why bother even trying, when all you need to feel satisfied is another hit?
At the end of 2024, my addiction took a turn for the worse. I’d been ordering painkillers from the dark web on top of the normal prescriptions, but this time, it wasn’t what it said on the tin. Instead of Oxycodone, I received something few of you may have heard of: Nitazenes. These synthetic opioids are up to 40 times stronger than Fentanyl, and hundreds of times stronger than Heroin, two substances I’m sure you will have heard of.
The next thing I can remember is waking up with two paramedics over me. It had taken four doses of Naloxone (the miracle opioid agonist that, if delivered in a timely fashion, can reverse the respiratory depression caused by high-strength opioids). To explain just how strong Nitazenes are, I overdosed again while in hospital. The Naloxone had worn out, and the synthetic buggars had made their way back into receptors, necessitating a further couple of doses of the miracle drug.
You might think — much like I did — that such an experience would spell the end of said addiction. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. While I certainly took fewer risks (the medication was largely sourced from legitimate pharmacies thereafter), the pull to opioids remained just as strong, another year or so passing before I would even attempt sobriety.
Which brings us to the here and now. As I write this, I’ve been sober for 80 days. I’m happy to get into the why and how of all that if it’s something that might help those of you reading, but right now you might be wondering what this all has to do with cycling and specifically Zwift.
I’ve been a fan of cycling for a couple of years, but, aside from literally two outdoor rides, that fandom has been reserved to spectating the sport. Like many, it was actually the brilliant documentary from Netflix — Unchained — that got me interested in the world of bike racing. And honestly, I can hardly believe just how much I love this mind-bogglingly impressive sport. I once dated a professional cyclist and couldn’t understand why she loved it so much. I attended training camps in Limoux and would find myself watching House of Cards with a bottle of wine and a packet of cigarettes while she and her team trained. At the time, I certainly thought I had the better deal. Now, I’m not so sure.
When my neighbour’s 11-year-old heard that I watched cycling, he replied, quite rightly, “WATCH cycling?!” As an outsider — at least in my experience of being one — it’s difficult to comprehend how watching people ride bikes can be an interesting pastime. I think that’s partly because, unless you’re in the know, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s merely an individual pursuit. But road racing, particularly in the Grand Tours, is all about teamwork. Domestiques sacrifice themselves in the off-chance that their team’s GC contender or sprinter will bring home the bacon. It’s such a unique and admirable characteristic of the sport.
On top of that, it’s just baffling that the human body (at least these heavily trained ones) are capable of battling across long distances at ridiculous speeds, with stupid amounts of elevation gain, often in weather that would floor me if I moved to make a cup of tea, and are able to recover overnight, ready to do it all again the next day.
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